Ok, wow. I havn't used this thing in 7 months!

That's outrageous.

Currently Listening Liberation Transmission By Lostprophets see related

Who who who!! Happy Sweet Sixteen to muah! I love it. It was the greatest! One day to remember.

And to top off all of it, Jordan told me he loved me. Sept. 3, sometime in the evening around 8pm. I love it. I love him. He is my everything and I don't want to let any of that go. I can't wait for a year and a half to pass, and hopefully it's a year and a half to remember on the long road to commitment. I just can't wait.

forever and always - roxxann

Life is inevitable.

Words are your deadly weapon. Killing me. Destroying me.

I can't stand it when things are like this. I can't stand to love someone with everything, cry for the first time in almost a year, the kind of crying where you're scared, you're shaking so hard because you've almost lost what you can't live without. I want to love. I'm ready to love, but the person I want to love is closing me out. It scares me to feel this way, for the first time in my life I can be in love, and know I am, and mean it too, but I'm so scared to find out in the end it was worth nothing.

I want someone to take care of me. Tell me i'll be alright. I don't want to have to feel insecure, feel like everyone is looking at me like there's something wrongs because i'm not like them. I dont want to be anything out of the ordinary, I want to be something my own, but something people can accept. Something I can accept. Something he can accept. But fankly, I don't think it'll be that way.

It's a no win situation.

Burn burn the life that you can't choose, burn burn the hate that gets you through.

I want to say everything is hopeless from here on out, like it has been and I've just been to blind to see... but we can't think like that. When you start to use logic and people don't like it lables get thrown at you and they're usually not good ones.

Forever and Always - roxxann

Currently Listening Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has a Bodycount By From First to Last Note To Self see related

arg. I'm back from vacation in virginia. We were there for a whole week. A week of pure hell.

I swear. I will never go on vacation again with them. I had the worst time of my life and my mom wonders why I feel like crap. I mean, I feel as if I don't even belong to their little so called 'family'. You know, once you go out to eat and you have to sit and listen to your 11 year old step-brother and your 12 year old sister sit there and say 'oh yeah, just go cut yourself emo, that's all you're good for just go cut yourself' and your step-dad says nothing, you feel even more worthless than you did before you left for vacation. Then you have your sister kicking you in the stomach in the pool and then kicking you in the nose and your mom doing absolutely nothing about it... yeah. You can only imagine. It's pretty shitty.

Anyways, I'm back now from the vacation from hell, and I've been staying with my dad for the past week I guess. -sigh- what a relief.

I've been going up to the coffee shop everyday and hanging out up there. That's some fun stuff. Really.

I'm really worried right now. Love and worry... I guess that's normal. No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I love someone. I told him that, but I think it freaked him out just a bit. I'm not going to lie to him though. I had to tell him because I'm sick of holding all of my feelings in and letting everything slip away before my eyes. Yet at the same time, I don't like to talk about things because it always causes problems. He told me it's good to talk about it, but I think he doesn't want to anyways. It's just really upsetting. Everytime I think about it I want to cry. You honestly have no clue. I don't think he does either. Anyways, I went to the fair grounds yesterday with my dad for some benifit thing. Well, I ended up standing in about the same exact place that I met this amazing guy and I wanted to cry when I realized where I actually was. rawr. almost 1 year ago we met each other and he'd had me hooked ever since. He just doesn't understand how much I care about him. Oh well. Things work out for the better even if we're hurt in the process.

On a lighter note, I got myself an mp3 player dawg. Heck yeahhhh. Um. anyways. That's about all that's new.

Forever and Always - roxy